


A Mother's Heart

by Impudent_Miscengenation



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Minor Character Death, bad at tags, no beta we die like men, or major character death depending on your perspective, poor Hunith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26255059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impudent_Miscengenation/pseuds/Impudent_Miscengenation
Summary: “I can fix this.” He told her, shakily. Hunith only smiled and rubbed her hand along the back of his, comfortingly. “I’m not broken, I am dying, and that’s okay.”
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hunith & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just some angst. Will be 1 or 2 more chapters to follow.

_ A Mother's Heart _

It was her heart. Its beating was wrong and she would faint because of it. With every fainting spell, it was more and more difficult to wake.

Only in the amount of time it took for Gaius to hand Merlin the letter, and for the younger to read it, did the warlock spirit himself away (not literally, he used a horse) to Ealdor. He’d taken the horse the stablehands had named “Bolt” because the steed had been given the name for a reason. It had been dawn when he’d left. After riding hard without rest all day, he managed to reach his home by nightfall.

Settling the horse by a water trough and praising Bolt for his hard work, Merlin hustled into the cottage he’d called home for nearly fifteen years before coming to Camelot.

He paused before the door, steeling his nerves and bracing himself for what he knew was to come. When he stepped into his childhood home, he saw his mother atop her mattress by the small hearth, propped by a sack of flour and some animal skins. A tattered, worn blanket was pulled up to the woman’s shoulders. Hunith was far too pale and her eyes were rimmed in darkness. Will’s mother, Josephine, was at her side, dabbing her forehead with a damp cloth. Merlin swallowed and knelt down on the opposite side of his mother, whose glazed eyes turned to him, blinking sluggishly.

Merlin held her hand, their entwined fingers resting over her fluttering, dying heart.

“Josie… Time… With my son.” Josephine nodded respectfully and saw herself out. As soon as she was gone, Merlin was alert.

“I can fix this.” He told her, shakily. He couldn’t and knew it. She was so close to the veil, he could _smell_ death. Even were that not so, spells of the heart risked far too much, especially counting for his inexperience with healing magic. He took up the cloth and tenderly brushed it along her sweaty brow. “I know I can fix this.” Hunith only smiled and rubbed her hand along the back of his, comfortingly.

“I wouldn’t ask you to. My mother, too, had a strange beat in her chest which cost her her life-and her mother before her befell the same fate.” Merlin shook his head, tears unwittingly brewing in-then leaving-his eyes.

“Let me fix you, _please_.”

“I’m not broken, I am dying, and that’s okay.” Hunith’s hand reached up to play with the curls around his right ear. “Want to as you might, my sweet, you cannot fix everything… Bodies wither as we age, sons and daughters bury their mothers and fathers, it is only natural. Death is the only certainty in life.” She was crying, too, smiling at him.

“My Merlin. My sweet, little bird.” Her eyes focused on his and she thumbed along his cheekbone. “Do you remember what I said to you when you left for Camelot?” Merlin tried to smile back at her, both mother and son feigning a contentness felt by neither of them, through their falling tears.

“Don’t be foolish with your magic, use it sparingly and use it well. Always watch your back, um,” he swallowed a lump in his throat before continuing, “utilize the wisdom and guidance of those whom you can trust.” Hunith chuckled and shook her head.

“Before that, when we said our last goodnight.” Merlin tried to recall her exact words but Hunith only smiled wider and pressed her other hand, the one not over her heart, to the side of his face.

“There will come tomorrow, and we won’t be together as we are today but you must promise me to remember…” She paused with a soft gasp, words becoming more difficult, whether due to her condition or emotions was hard to say. “Remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. … Most importantly, my son, remember that even though our paths part here, I will _always_ be with you.”* Her hand weakly squeezed his and Merlin choked back a sob.

“I love you, mum.” Hunith smiled softly, her wet eyes teeming with emotion.

“And I love you, Merlin. Always.”

It was during the quiet hours of early morning when Merlin felt her leave. Like smoke that rises from an extinguished candle, her memory removed itself from her earthly bindings and settled around the room. He felt an invisible force gifting him with a comforting aura as he cried over his mother’s still form.

He closed his eyes and focused on it, her lingering spirit and the remnants of her powerful love, before he sighed shakily, pressing his lips to Hunith’s cooling forehead.

“I-I’ll be alright, mum.” He whispered, sniffling. “I promise.”

Then, she was gone.

In the dark cottage, alone but surrounded by memories of his childhood and of his mother, Merlin wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Paraphrased quote from Carter Crocker (Winnie the Pooh)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the first chapter was so small, I split the second part in two to keep that theme.

Arthur hadn’t been in the best of moods that morning. His manservant seemed to be absent, yet again, so George had tended to him instead. After breakfast, a dreadfully boring meeting with some discontented noblemen, and a brisk walk through the lower town with Guinevere, King Arthur seated himself next to his wife for a hearty lunch.

The king frowned when, upon entering his chambers, Merlin was still nowhere to be found. Letting out a dramatic sigh, Arthur stabbed a potato viciously.

“Why I put up with that useless manservant of mine, I have no idea. I’ve not seen the fool all day!” Gwen smiled and let out an airy laugh.

“He’ll turn up, I’m sure. You know Merlin.” Arthur hummed and leaned back in his chair, skewering bits of beef with his fork.

“Yes, I  _ do _ know Merlin and that  _ idiot _ is going to spend a week in the stocks as soon as he shows his face!” Arthur finished his meal and decided that, before he spent his afternoon holding court, he’d ask around the castle for Merlin’s whereabouts.

Sir Gwaine had attested that Merlin hadn’t been and was nowhere to be seen in the tavern (and that he’d stay “in case he shows”). Sir Leon had finished doing patrols of the citadel’s borders with a small group of guards and mentioned that he’d not seen anything out of the ordinary all morning, runaway servants included. Percival and Elyan had spent the majority of their morning on the training fields with the newer guardsmen and some prospective knights and, as such, had nothing to report to their king regarding his manservant.

After meeting with his councilmen and with dinnertime swiftly approaching, Arthur decided it was high time to ask Gaius if he knew where Merlin was. When the physician's door opened, Arthur was startled by the sight of Gaius looking… well, looking his age, really. His eyes were wet and rimmed in red, his face ashen and drawn. When Gaius realized it was Arthur at the door, he bowed his head.

“Your highness. How may I help?” His voice sounded more gravelly than usual. Frowning, Arthur took a cursory glance of Gaius’ chambers. No Merlin to be seen.

“I was wondering, Gaius, if perhaps you knew where Merlin has scampered off to. I haven’t seen him, nor heard from him, all day.” Gaius’ gaze turned down and he beckoned the prince to come inside his quarters.

"Apologies, my lord. It's my fault- I should have informed you." Gaius closed the door behind Arthur and promptly went to his table and began searching for something, avoiding the King's eyes.

"Just before dawn, I received a letter, your majesty. From my sister, Hunith. Merlin's mother." Arthur frowned and shaky, old fingers handed him a slip of parchment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Paraphrased quote from Carter Crocker (Winnie the Pooh)


	3. Chapter 3

It didn't surprise Arthur that Merlin had absconded with the fastest horse in the stables. Given the current circumstances, the king found that he didn't mind, even if it would make his journey longer. He instructed a stablehand to saddle Hengroen, his stallion, and have the horse prepared for a hard ride.

Arthur only informed Guinevere and Leon of where he was going, and took care in making it clear to them that he wanted to go alone.

Only taking a short break to feed and water Hengroen, Arthur was in Ealdor around mid-afternoon. It wasn't difficult to find Merlin; he was at the edge of the village, towards the western treeline, in front of a raging funeral pyre.

Settling Hengroen next to Bolt, Arthur quietly made his way to the fire.

Merlin watched the flames without speaking and Arthur found that he didn’t have anything comforting to say. He acutely remembered Merlin quietly waiting all night just outside the crypts so that Arthur wouldn’t feel alone.

It took nearly the rest of the day for the pyre to be completely burnt down and reduced to hot embers and ashes. For the entirety of it, neither of them said a word.

Suddenly Merlin was stomping away from him, and Arthur turned to follow when Merlin tensed.

“Don’t follow me, Arthur.”

“Merlin, I-”

“ _Don’t_. Follow me. I-I can’t be around you right now.”

“What are you going on about, _Mer_ lin?” Merlin started walking away again, at a quick pace. Arthur, of course, followed him at a short distance.

“ _Arthur. Stop.”_

 _“_ No, Merlin. I will be here with you.” _As you were with me, when my father…_ Merlin stopped again and Arthur saw his shoulders shaking. A drop of water hit the king’s nose and Arthur frowned, looking at the frightfully black and darkening sky above their heads. Arthur found that a bit odd, as it had been sunny and cloudless just a moment ago.

“I-Arthur, please, I can’t stop-”

“Is this about what I said to you before, about the knights? _Mourn her_ , Merlin, I cannot and _will not_ think less of you for that.” Merlin tilted his head back. The rain started and what was a light patter became a heavy downpour in an instant. A breeze stirred and picked up into winds that whipped Arthur’s hair around.

Merlin took a deep breath and _screamed_. Thunder boomed and lightning struck and stuck all around the area, illuminating the nearby forests in bright white light. A lightning bolt struck the earth in front of Arthur, causing the monarch to stumble back and fall onto his bottom. Heart racing, Arthur found his eyes searching for Merlin. Through the torrential rain, Arthur saw him.

Merlin's chin dropped to his chest. A shudder went through the warlock’s body and a wrenching sound came from his throat. As if held up by strings that were cut, Merlin collapsed to his knees. Thunder rumbled distantly and the rain continued without pause but the static charge seemed to leave the air and Arthur knew that the worst of the (literal) storm had passed. Arthur then cleared his throat to alert Merlin of his intention to speak.

“We’ll catch cold, standing out here like this. If you don’t intend to stop the rain, might I suggest we at least take cover?” Merlin’s head bowed further but he otherwise remained still. Arthur sighed and stood, crossing the small distance between them and then unceremoniously plopping down beside the younger man. After a stretched silence, Merlin sniffed quietly. Voice rough from his earlier outburst, Merlin asked:

“You know what you saw. Why aren’t I dead?” Arthur turned to him, with an almost exasperated look on his face.

“Idiot,” the king stood and offered Merlin a hand, which he hesitantly took. Arthur helped Merlin to his feet and clasped a hand onto his friend’s bony shoulder.

“You’re the greatest friend I have.” Merlin blinked at Arthur in faint surprise. The king dutifully ignored the grief and confusion twisting his friend's expression and patted him roughly on the back.

"Come on, Merlin, let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all I intend to write for this but let me know if you like it! Kudos and comments make me smile!


End file.
